Attunement in Motion: What Horses Teach Us About Leadership, Counseling, and Energetic Presence
By Emily Pethel
By Emily Pethel
Emily is a Remnant Member and about to graduate with degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling! We love our members and Emily is especially fantastic. As a Naval Officer, she has a broad range of skills in areas such as Ballistic Missile Defense (BMD), mentorship, speech writing, teaching, public speaking, leadership, strategic communications, driving a 100,000 horsepower ship, and even counter narcotics enforcement tactics.
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As both a professional counselor and lifelong horsewoman, I’ve come to believe that horses may be some of the most honest and gifted teachers we have when it comes to understanding the therapeutic core of attunement. In the counseling room, we talk often about attunement as the art of being with our clients in a present, regulated, and empathic way. But in the barn, attunement is not a metaphor—it’s a matter of safety, communication, and trust.
Beth Anstandig, author of The Human Herd (2022), beautifully describes a four-channel model of natural leadership awareness:
What is happening inside me?
What is happening inside the other?
What is happening between us?
What is happening in the environment?
According to Anstandig, most people tend to focus heavily on channels 2 and 4—scanning the other person (or animal) and the surrounding environment for potential threats, feedback, or cues. This orientation has evolutionary roots and social reinforcement, but it creates a significant gap in our self-awareness. When we become fixated on “What is the horse doing?” or “Is there a trigger in the environment?” we miss two of the most crucial elements of authentic connection: our own internal state and the relational field between us and the other being.
The Untrained Eye: Mislabeling Behavior as Disobedience
As a horse trainer, I’ve often worked with clients who are frustrated by their horse’s so-called “behavior problems.” They’ll describe the horse as spooky, stubborn, inattentive, or pushy. They note that it’s windy, that the plastic bag is flapping again, or that the horse always balks at the same corner of the arena.
What they rarely notice is that they’ve stepped back without realizing it. Their feet shifted. Their energy dipped. Their breath caught. Something moved inside them—but they didn’t register it. And neither did they recognize what it felt like when the connection between them and the horse broke, or shifted.
In a clinic with Warrick Schiller, an internationally known horseman and behavior specialist, I watched him pause a session to ask a handler, “What happened in you when your horse stopped listening?” The handler looked confused and replied, “I don’t know. I just got frustrated.” Warrick gently pressed, “Where did you feel that in your body?” The handler had no answer—but the horse had already responded to the change in her.
This is the critical gap between channels 1 and 3—what is happening inside me, and what is happening between us. In both horsemanship and counseling, this is where change begins.
Developing Somatic Awareness Through Groundwork
Groundwork with horses provides a living laboratory for somatic awareness. I’ve seen clients and students move backwards unconsciously, tighten their shoulders, raise their voice, or stop breathing altogether while handling a horse—all in response to subtle fear, anticipation, or frustration. These micro-reactions send mixed signals to the horse, who is wired to respond to incongruent energy faster than we can cognitively process it.
Warrick Schiller (2022) often emphasizes the importance of congruency—the alignment of intention, body language, and internal state. “Your horse doesn’t do what you say,” he writes, “he does what you are.” This echoes the core principle of therapeutic presence in counseling: our nervous system regulation is our first and most impactful intervention.
HeartMath and Attunement: A Shared Tool for Horse and Human
In my counseling practice, I use HeartMath’s coherence tools to help clients (and myself) become more attuned to internal state shifts. Coherence refers to a state of synchronized physiological and emotional regulation—when the heart, breath, and nervous system work in harmony (McCraty et al., 2009).
I first began using HeartMath as part of my MBA research into the physiological effects of human-horse interaction. What I discovered was that horses responded noticeably to the shifts in human coherence, often approaching or softening their own body language when the human participant practiced slow, heart-focused breathing.
In clinical counseling sessions, particularly those involving trauma or dysregulation, I’ve found HeartMath’s techniques invaluable. Before walking into a session—or a round pen—I take 30 seconds to breathe into coherence, bringing my attention to my heart and generating a sense of calm appreciation. The difference is tangible. The horse softens. The client settles. The connection strengthens.
Anstandig (2022) notes that the “relational field” between two beings is a dynamic, living force that can be consciously shaped—but only if we’re attuned enough to notice its fluctuations. That field doesn’t exist in isolation; it is born from the convergence of internal awareness (Channel 1) and mutual presence (Channel 3). When either is absent, the connection falters.
Implications for Counseling Practice
So what does all this mean for those of us who don’t lead horses into the counseling room?
First, we must reclaim Channel 1. If we, as clinicians, aren’t tuned into our own bodily and emotional signals, we risk slipping into cognitive overdrive—trying to think our way through therapeutic rapport while our nervous system quietly leaks stress, irritation, or fatigue.
Second, we must train our awareness of Channel 3. The field between therapist and client is filled with information—pacing, posture, breath, tone, silence—that communicates far more than words. Our job is not only to observe the client, but to feel into the space between us with curiosity and care.
Just as horsemen learn to ride with “feel”—a word used so often it's nearly mythical—so too must we develop feel in the therapy room. Not as guesswork, but as embodied responsiveness. As Schiller (2022) writes, “Feel is your ability to be aware of what’s going on and to respond in the moment in a way that helps the horse find peace.” I would argue the same can be said for our clients.
Closing Thoughts
Attunement is not a posture we adopt or a skill we check off a list. It is a way of being. Whether I’m holding a lead rope or holding space for a client, I return again and again to the four awareness channels:
What is happening in me?
What is happening in the other?
What is happening between us?
What is happening in the environment?
Attunement is not something we do—it’s a way we show up. Whether I’m holding a lead rope or holding space in a therapy session, I return again and again to those four awareness channels. Horses have shown me that connection doesn’t begin with control—it begins with presence. And tools like HeartMath help me practice that presence with intention, both in the barn and in the counseling room.
References
Anstandig, B. (2022). The human herd: Awakening our natural leadership. Morgan James Publishing.
McCraty, R., Atkinson, M., Tomasino, D., & Bradley, R. T. (2009). The coherent heart: Heart-brain interactions, psychophysiological coherence, and the emergence of system-wide order. Integral Review, 5(2), 10–115.
Schiller, W. (2022). The principles of training horses with feel: A mindful, connection-based approach. Warwick Schiller Performance Horsemanship.