Mastering Our Emotions by Kevin Chapman | Expert Guest Series

Introduction:

We are delighted to kick off our Expert Voices series with psychologist and author Kevin Chapman, focusing on his new book Mastering Our Emotions: Biblical Principles for Emotional Health. In this post, we’ll explore how Chapman’s work bridges Christian faith and psychological insight, helping believers move from emotional reactivity to emotional maturity.

Biography:

Kevin Chapman (PhD, A-CBT, HSPP) is a licensed clinical psychologist with a specialty in cognitive behavioral therapy. He is the founder and director of the Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and has appeared on TLC as well as in USA Today, The Huffington Post, and The Wall Street Journal. Kevin leads Sound Mind Ministries and hosts The Sound Mind Show (YouTube), which focuses on managing emotions from a biblical perspective. 

Important Links

PURCHASE: Mastering Our Emotions 

BOOK INFO: https://www.ivpress.com/mastering-our-emotions 

BOOK EXCERPT: https://www.ivpress.com/Media/Default/Downloads/Excerpts-and-Samples/A1057-excerpt.pdf

More Information: https://www.ivpress.com/Media/Default/Press-Kits/A1057-press.pdf

BIO: https://drkevinchapman.com/about/  

Watch Kevin's show on Youtube here: The Sound Mind Show

Mastering Our Emotions

Learning to be renewed is a very important (and my favorite) skill that allows you to partner with the Holy Spirit in reprogramming your tendency to overreact in situations with intense emotions. Th e Word of God tells us that through renewing our minds, we can prove the good, acceptable, and perfect will of God.

Interestingly, psychological science also supports the notion that our thinking patterns are influenced by our interactions with the world around us, which suggests that we can be conformed to the world based on what we allow ourselves to consume in the world.1 At an early age we develop core beliefs, based on our learning experiences with our family of origin/caregivers, in three interrelated areas: thoughts about ourselves, thoughts about the  world, and thoughts about other people.

As believers, our life experiences also influence our thoughts about God. Along these lines, our core beliefs about ourselves, the world, and others/God often sound as follows: “I am __________, the world is__________, and others are/God is __________.” Over time, if we have a tendency toward negative emotionality, have negative life experiences, or receive negative messages from our family of origin, we often develop core beliefs that conflict with who we are according to the Bible. When this negative learning occurs, we might think about ourselves in a negative light, think of others as “more put together” or untrustworthy, and think about the future as dangerous. Our thoughts about God are also shaped by similar experiences, and we can unfortunately learn to view God as condemning, distant, or angry. In addition, we often learn to view negative emotions as dangerous and think that we are unable to cope with them.

The good news is that you can change the way you think if you practice. Changing your thought life is not as simple as just thinking positively; it is more important that you learn how to be renewed in your thinking. This requires asking yourself if there are other ways to view situations that will lead to different emotional experiences,3 as well as studying the Bible and letting Scripture influence your thinking patterns.

Proverbs 23:7 states, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” If you have learned to think of yourself as not being a morning person, you will never be a morning person. If you think of yourself as type A, then you can’t be anything else. If you think of yourself as a hothead, you will always respond to anger in a negative way. If you think of yourself as a “worry wart,” then you will always respond to anxiety with worry. The good news is that both the Word of God and cognitive-behavioral therapy reveal the same truth: in order to change the way you think, you must initially be aware of these negative thoughts and then “think on” different thoughts. Along these lines, the method that I use with clients on a regular basis is to help them (1) identify the thoughts that lead to negative emotions, (2) identify the traps in the way they think about a given situation, (3) learn how to challenge their thoughts with truth (kingdom questions), and (4) replace these thoughts by “putting on” alternative thoughts.

If you struggle with negative emotions on a regular basis, it is likely that you have learned to think in a way that feeds the negative emotions. Our past experiences influence how we think about current situations, which is usually not a bad thing. In fact, our past experience with a situation (or an emotion) helps us make sense of our world so that we can respond in a beneficial manner. For example, when I go to Chick-fil-A, I don’t have to look at the menu to order because I know that a #2 combo meal is a spicy chicken deluxe sandwich (with fries and a lemonade of course). So, when I go to a Chick-fil-A restaurant, I can confidently order a #2 and know that it will be correct. My experience with the #2 combo meal helps me decide in the future about ordering my food. Over time, these thoughts happen automatically and become what we call automatic thoughts (ATs): thoughts that pop into our minds even when we are not intentionally thinking them. 

However, our automatic thoughts can also be negative and lead to intense emotions, particularly when the situation does not call for these emotions. For example, if you struggle with social anxiety, you might recall the first experience that contributed to your current social anxiety. Some individuals report giving a speech in the past and thinking to themselves, I am going to make a fool of myself, or They can see how nervous I am. If this occurs, our limbic system is designed to remind us of “threat,” and therefore, we attempt to avoid situations where this threat may occur.4 We can then notice a pattern of thinking that includes negative automatic thoughts associated with anxiety about being judged in social situations when, in most cases, no one is paying attention to us. 

Another example is being rejected by someone in the past and thinking to yourself, No one will ever love me. When this negative automatic thought is paired with intense emotions such as shame or sadness, a pattern of negative automatic thought emerges that negatively affects your current and future relationships. A similar pattern can occur if you contracted a virus by eating contaminated food (disgust), failed to meet a loved one’s standard (guilt), or were taken advantage of by peers (anger). 

Notice the deception that takes place with negative automatic thoughts: The initial experience from when I first noticed a negative automatic thought that led to an intense emotion is not what is maintaining my negative thoughts today. The avoidance of these situations and the lack of paying attention to thoughts associated with my victory in Jesus is. Can you see how automatic thoughts, if negative (NATs), can intensify negative emotions? 

Keep in mind, ATs aren’t wrong or bad. The issue with some of them is that they restrict what emotions you are able to experience, especially because most people think the automatic thoughts they have are absolutely true or a fact. For example, if your automatic thought is I’m going to fail this test, and you believe it is true when it may not be (the majority of automatic thoughts are not actually facts), then your automatic thought only leads to negative emotions. While not all ATs are negative and lead to negative emotions, people who struggle with intense emotions are more likely to have a component to their automatic thoughts that causes emotions to feel stronger. This component is what we call a thinking error. Thinking errors are what cause ATs to seem as if they are facts when in reality they are not. Learning to identify thinking errors will help you bring Proverbs 23:7 to life and fulfill the destiny that God has for you. 

USING KINGDOM QUESTIONS 
One of my favorite methods to use when helping clients be renewed is teaching them to ask kingdom questions that challenge their automatic thoughts with truth. Too often we say things to try to make our loved ones feel better by spoon-feeding them truth that they simply don’t believe. For example, if your daughter says, “I’m the ugliest person in the world,” you would naturally say, “No you’re not,” or “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” Have you noticed that statements like these rarely make people feel better? Why? Because their thoughts are based on how they are feeling, not on facts. This is one of the greatest tactics of the enemy: to try to convince us that we are not who God says we are and since we feel bad, things must be bad. 

Rather than spoon-feeding your loved one, practice using kingdom questions instead. Here is an illustration of using kingdom questions that I practice with clients that involves football. Suppose a wide receiver catches the ball. They run past a defender and make it to the 40-yard line, the 35, the 30, the 20, the 10, and they get tackled as they fall into the end zone. The referee looks at where the player was tackled and then throws both hands in the air above his head. What’s that called? If you are a football fan or have ever watched football, you’re probably thinking, That’s a touchdown. Notice I didn’t tell you it was a touchdown (spoon-feeding); I led you in the right direction and asked you the right question to get you to see what I already knew. 

Kingdom questions are designed to align your thinking with the truths of God’s Word and the values contained in God’s kingdom, such as: 

•    What’s the evidence that this thought is true? 
•    What does God’s Word say about this outcome? 
•    Am I certain that this thought is true? 
•    Am I 100 percent sure that this negative outcome will occur? 
•    Do I have a crystal ball? Can I tell the future? 
•    Does __________ mean__________? 
•    What happened in the past? 
•    Even if this negative event does occur, can I cope with that? 
•    What does 2 Timothy 1:7 say about this situation? 
•    What is a Bible verse that contradicts this outcome? 
•    What fruit of the Spirit will help counter this thought? 

Above is a list of kingdom questions you can use to help challenge automatic thoughts. Pick your favorite ones and memorize them over time. Kingdom questions are not simply based on facts but are also based on biblical truths. Kingdom questions will encourage you to look at other possible outcomes if you practice using them on a regular basis. In doing so, your emotions will become significantly less intense, and you will feel more confident about your ability to manage them. 

Adapted from Mastering Our Emotions by Kevin Chapman. ©2025 by Kevin Chapman. Used by permission of InterVarsity Press. www.ivpress.com.